Our Meeting
07.03.94 (For Dad)
Nervous follows anxious
unable to grasp speech.
Such inner confrontations
no-one to really blame,
for the sixteen-year loss.
Time ticks at a slow pace
arriving early in the first bay.
The plane is to land shortly
soon shall be three-thirty-five,
and my heart skips a beat.
What do I say?
How shall I greet?
Am I presentable enough?
Oh! I cannot anticipate such a wait,
soon my dear Father will be here…
Tears of joyous wonder we share
of so many sad denied years.
It is the meeting
the first day of the beginning,
our new-found love
that bonds us immediately together….
Gone
26.9.95 (For Dad passed 26.07.95)
You are now gone
words cannot express
my extreme sadness,
that you are now not here.
Sixteen years of nothing
to finally having something of you.
Now it’s all done, you are gone,
what shall I ever do?
Meeting you was such a miracle
I thank-you for the time together.
So hard to share my pain
such grief, guilt and inner turmoil.
A least I got to go to your funeral
and feel you one last time.
Seeing familiar faces and their sad tears
brought me down to my quivering knees.
A least I got to meet you
and understand so much,
of my own self identity
and where I really came from.
The agony of forgiveness is
hard to endure, yet ignore.
I know you would have wanted this
I tried to absolve her from it all.
But there’s still so much emptiness
that only time will eventually heal.
Good-bye my one and only Dad
I will always treasure you….
My Fix It Dad
My Fix It Dad
06.02.18 For John (Passed 06.02.17)
We first met early two thousand and two,
I remember the day, you came to my house
you held Mums hand quite nervously tight.
Mum looked so contented, I was pleased
she had finally found someone who cared.
My world soon spiralled out of control,
losing my son and having sweet Livy so early.
You were there by my side, as was Mum too,
phone calls and cuddles a plenty, without you
I don’t think I would have made it through.
As the years flew by, you were always around
happy to help do odd jobs and stay for a cuppa.
How wonderful the wedding party was with Mum,
honoured to be a part of it, you looked so proud;
memories of such a moving ceremony with all.
Time healed wounds, life went straight on,
meeting Tim you were generous and funny.
Our bond grew stronger, as Miss Zarah was born
the girls loved playing with you, giggling for more.
Your smile was big, your laugh always infectious.
Soon came our big day, so excited and content
to share this day with you and with Mum,
to have you proudly walk me down the beach.
I will always reminisce our time together that day,
Your words of wisdom will always be treasured.
Then came Carter, a delight yet handful you saw,
only you could settle him down, a firm word
then he was calm, asleep like an angel.
Thank-you for your patience and loving care,
the kids would chorus “We love you Opa”!
I thought we’d have so many more years to spend
working on houses and painting fresh walls.
One day you were not right, then became unwell,
you fought through surgery to rid those bad cells.
You tried hard to be strong, Mum kept you going.
I tried to visit you as much as I could, to sit
with you and listen as any daughter would.
I promised you would not go into a home,
it was hard to see you there but, was your wish so.
You had very little pain, we were dutifully pleased.
Difficult at times, but so stubborn you were
my only regret, not calling you Dad earlier.
Your service was beautiful, I know you’d have
been pleased, to see so many kind warm faces.
You were my fix it Dad, but where did you go?
I see you in my dreams, in the white boat you sail.
My tears of sadness have now slowed,
thank-you for the special memories we shared.
I will always miss you, that I do always know…
Me and My Fix It Dad 24.03.08
LOVING YOU TOMORROW
(For husband February 2009)
Loving you tomorrow,
meanings of so many senses, ideas
deep within my soul, passionate & thriving.
The love we share together
that binds, even entwines you to me…
Loving you tomorrow,
our first meeting of yesterday.
A sort of divine accident,
our souls soon kissed
as we first kissed with our eyes…
Loving you tomorrow,
a sacred bond, the making of our Zarah.
Peace, the finding of such completeness,
unconditional your support & acceptance
the moods & ever-growing belly…
Loving you tomorrow,
your scruffy hair & sleepy eyes,
hardly bothered by squeals & wiggling.
Such angels our girls, taking delight
in our bed early, each morn…
Loving you tomorrow,
hands on ears, baby’s cries fill the house;
such days are long, you are missed.
Your quirky spirit & untimely humour shine,
turning my devoted struggle into a smile…
Loving you tomorrow,
laughter, playful weekends a must;
our girls thrive, adore your passion for life.
An ongoing strength, you are the honorable man.
Texts of sweet love matched by notes wrapped in your lunch…
Loving you tomorrow,
the sweltering nights, I sense you next to me;
a gentle night’s breeze, you brush your leg on mine.
I adore your smell after a shower, heaven
the way you look in denim…
Loving you tomorrow,
Is but a dream turned into some kind of real?
our family journey is eternally bright.
Loving you tomorrow,
I say yes today for ever…
LITTLE STAR SHINING
FOR OLIVIA GRACE
BORN 16TH AUGUST 2004- TWIN 2
WRITTEN 17TH JUNE 2005.
In memory of our little baby boy Liam
I held your tiny pale hand
and wished I could touch your precious face.
Protected by your mechanical womb
I whispered to just hang on.
In my eyes you were so perfect
your early arrival, my hopes did crash.
Not wanting to see your pain
The suffering, as I know you did.
I could hold you in one hand
Your delicate mottled skin shiny.
Creature like fine fur covered you,
complimenting your dark matted hair.
Big almond eyes wide open
showing your pain and deep courage.
A determination to fight for your life,
a daily struggle to survive.
I held you on my chest, the first time
I finally felt a mother.
How wonderful those skin to skin cuddles!
I didn’t want to put you back.
Numerous lines with worrisome attachments,
that monitor and its terrifying beeps!
An hour became an eternity
It was perfect, you felt so right.
I gave you our first bath
our worlds closed in together.
I saw a calmness in your eyes
We both gave a sigh of relief.
Your beautiful frog like body
wriggling in its warm tickling freedom.
Something your precious baby brother
would never be able to explore.
I held you to my breast
a first attachment followed a suck,
You were my little star,
As you began to thrive.
Hiccups along the way, grasping the notion
of what was always meant to be.
Away I missed you greatly
our bond gave me a sense of complete.
Now in an open crib
No longer were you so tiny.
Your nails began to grow
hair fell off your body,
turning a beautiful shade of pink.
No more rings as an ankle bracelet
I was able to dress you,
Hand-made were the only ones to fit.
I helped you move to bay four
soon we’d be out the door!
Nearly fifteen weeks had past,
surviving the painful lung surgery
many friends we had made.
A journey we never knew existed
in my heart it was clear
You were here to stay…
I was able to take you home
a wonderful, yet nervous day,
finally having you home with me.
Oxygen and feeding equipment a plenty.
I knew I could do it, I’d show you
just what a great mum I could be.
Thank-you for pulling through
my precious little star shining…
‘Z’ IS FOR PERFECT
Dedicated to our Zarah Elizabeth Enid
Born: 6th May 2008
Written 12th November 2008.
Squeezing Daddy’s hand taut
A calmness overtook my quivering body.
One final burning push and you were revealed
What a triumph, we had made it! …
No complications for traumatic surgery
No medical interventions or NICU unit, I was thankful.
Fearful memories in my past drifted away
As all my imaginings had just come true…
You were made and brought into life
With a love having no boundaries.
Never knowing a love like this till now
A wonderful Daddy he’s going to make…
‘Here’s your baby’, smiled our Midwife
A tear in Daddy’s sparkling eyes.
The precious sound of your first cries
I knew you were a girl…
My heart jumped a palpating beat
Your crimson body curled on mine.
A marvel sensation our skin to skin
I quietly counted your delicate digits…
Both faces alert and eyes wide
Together in our union, all activity faded.
Worthy of the mar and lingering nights waiting
Just to meet you…
Following your instincts, and given the all clear
You knew where to suckle.
That exclusive moment in time
The unique beginnings of our future bonding…
So honored to be your Mummy
A life altering event.
Your big Sister just couldn’t wait
To meet her little pink baby…
Daddy’s first cuddles meant eternity
So proud to have given you to him.
Welcome to the world our angel from heaven
Z is perfect for Zarah…
